My lungs were desperate for air as the bully — a kid a few sizes bigger than me — sat on my chest and laughed.
All I could think was: “I can’t breathe.”
That humiliating moment marked the start of a decade of being bullied, taunted, jeered at, and pushed aside.
The same suffocation would seep into my mind, staining every social interaction. Whenever I met someone new, I bounced between “will they like me?”, “they don’t like me” and “no one will ever like me.”
And when I got a scholarship to study in Canada, my anxiety hit an all-time high.
Being the only non-Canadian in my university residence, I was lonely, and I was desperate to make friends.
But my social fears — along with my thick Malaysian accent — kept me stuck in a hell-like loop of awkward conversations and shallow friendships. Until I came across a photojournalism project online.
It was called Humans Of New York, and the founder, Brandon Stanton, would interview strangers on the streets, capturing their portraits as well as their life stories — some of the most vulnerable, emotional stories I’d ever read.
What he did completely blew my mind. I thought to myself:
“Wait… you can actually walk up to someone and talk to them? And get them to share their life story with you??”
Scared, but feeling inspired enough, I took a deep breath and grabbed my camera, and walked out to the street.
After passing by —I mean, avoiding— one stranger after another, I finally decided on my first interview subject: a bespectacled, bearded guy who seemed friendly enough.
Despite my jitters, we had an OK conversation, which gave me enough motivation to interview another stranger the next day … and the day after.
As I interviewed more and more strangers, I started getting confident in myself, and my Humans Of Sackville project attracted a flurry of followers and media features.
After having hundreds of conversations and building dozens of meaningful relationships, I’ve overcome the worst of my social anxiety.
And here are five things I learned after talking with more than 700 people:
1. Most people get nervous in social situations, too
When I was stuck in my loop of anxiety, all I focused on was myself and the thoughts in my mind. I assumed that others were way more confident. But when I took on the interviewer role, I saw how people got uncomfortable under the spotlight and stumbled through their answers. Many were just as anxious as me.
This realization helped me accept my anxiety and …….